I’ve tried stopping it, but I can’t. It comes into my mind unbidden. It tears my mind into shreds then leaves me to sew them back together. But I’m running out of thread. I’m running out of the will to do it.

In my life I’ve seen things that makes blood run cold. I’ve been shot at, chased, bound and gagged, and almost burned alive. Strange how I’ve always fought from being killed by others, and now end up being the one to do it.

How the knife came into my possession I don’t remember. All I know is that it was in my hand and then my wrists were slit. Then I started laughing. I was finally going to be free from all of my binds, forever. I had fallen off the edge.

Kitty was walking by his door when she heard the laughter. It didn’t sound like him. It sounded scary. Like the cartoons always portray. It reminded her in particular of The Joker.

She knocked on his door. Nothing. She knocked again, harder, and still nothing. She walked through the door and immediately jumped back. She ran back in, just to confirm what she had seen.

Kurt was lying on his bed laughing. Blood poured from slits on his wrists. Kitty ran forward and shook him, but he didn’t even look at her. She ran to the bathroom and grabbed medi-kit. She wished the others were here. But they had all gone to the concert fifty miles from here. Kitty wrapped gauze around the slits and taped them. She then grabbed to torquinets and put them on. She held as tightly as she could, trying to stop the blood.

Kurt suddenly stopped laughing and appeared to doze off. Worried, Kitty checked his pulse and it was still going, although not as fast as it should. She held on to the torquinets harder, and finally decided that the blood had stopped. She let go and took the torquinets off, throwing them into the trash bag that came with the kit. Kitty checked his pulse again, and it seemed to be going faster. She cleaned up as best as she could and threw all of it away.

Finally she sat down on Kurt’s desk chair and began to think. Why did he do that? Why did he try... try to kill himself? Was it because of me? Did I do something? Kitty laid her head down on the desk and soon drifted off to sleep.

Kurt woke up with a start, soaked in sweat. It had come again. He was sure of it. The demon inside of him had gain control over him. He put his hand up to his head, cradling it because of a killer headache. It was then he noticed the blood stained bandages on his wrists. It had begun again. I thought I had finally stopped it from doing this! He shook his head and glanced around the room. Kitty was asleep in the chair at his desk. She must’ve been the one that put the bandages on me. Oh god, she knows.

Kurt got up and teleported Kitty to her room, where he somehow managed to put her in her bed. He then teleported back to his room, where he ripped the comforter off the bed. The blood hadn’t made it to the sheets, which was a good thing. Kurt got an extra comforter from the linen closet and put it on his bed. He took the old one and put it in the furnace. Kurt lit the furnace and watched the comforter burn. He also threw in the bloody bandages.

After he was sure there was nothing left of any of it, he returned once again to his room. His fur was stained with blood as well, but it would wash off in the shower. And his hologram would hide the marks. He glanced at his alarm clock. The numbers glowed four o’clock. The others weren’t home yet. Must’ve gotten waylaid and had to stay at a hotel.

Kurt climbed back in bed and waited for the dawn. In the morning he would dismiss anything Kitty said as a dream. But what if she asks to see my wrists? Maybe my fur will hide them. I’m falling farther into the abyss....

The demons, they hunt me. I run and I run and I run but I never get away from them. They close in on me, a little at a time. Soon they’ll catch me. And it will be as if I had never existed....

In the morning, the others arrived, explaining that they had been in a minor wreck and the Hummer had been towed. They had spent the night in a flea and who knows what else ridden hotel a mile from the wreck sight. As you might guess, they didn’t exactly have sweet dreams.

As Rogue, Evan, Alex, Scott, Jean, and Storm trudged upstairs to go to bed, Kitty sat at the kitchen table reading the paper. It was almost ten and Kurt still wasn’t up. Should I go and get him? No, he might freak out or something. But I wonder.... was last night real? That last thing I remember is sitting down at Kurt’s desk, but I woke up in my bed. I guess I can see what state of mind he’s in. A suicidal person would be down, depressed, even listless.

About a half-hour later, Kurt came down for breakfast. Kitty watched him out of the corner of her eye, but noticed nothing to unusual. In the fact the only thing she noticed was that he had his hologram on, which he almost never did when he comes down for breakfast.

But Kitty had to admit, other than that, Kurt seemed normal. For him anyway.

Kurt saw Kitty staring at him out of the corner of her eyes. She’s debating with herself. She doesn’t know if it was real or not. His little unknown empathic powers confirmed this. If I play it cool, I’ll be fine.

Kurt sat down across from her and acted like his bowl of cereal and cup of coffee was the only things in things in the world. In other words, he ignored her. Very hard for him. Before he was done, she got up and left, leaving the comics behind for him. Today, though, he really wasn’t interested in them.

After he finished, Kurt went back upstairs where he stayed the entire day. Finally night drew nearer. What shall it be tonight? Another knife? My throat slit this time? He yelled at the demons that were silent and deadly. Finally the sun set. It begins.

They’re gaining on me. I can hear them breathing down my neck. I can feel their claws just barely grazing me. They’re coming. They’re coming for me.......

Kitty paced in the hall. Should I go in? What if he’s done it again? Maybe I should just peek in for sec. He’d never know, right? Would he even care? Kitty walked up to his door and was about to walk in when she felt an overwhelming sense that something was wrong.

She ran in, and saw Kurt with a knife to his neck. The knife was already bloodstained, meaning it was the one he had used the night before. I didn’t see it anywhere, he must’ve hid it. Without thinking Kitty grabbed the hand that was holding the knife and tried to pull, but it wouldn’t budge. She saw Kurt’s eyes, and it scared her. They were not the usual white/yellow, but now a very dark red. She saw tiny slits that were pupils. They were wild looking.... and very dangerous.

"Kurt! Kurt, it’s me! Kitty! Don’t recognize me?" She shouted at him, barely disguising her fear. He grinned. Not his laughable crooked one, but one of a madman.

"Oh I know you... I know you well. You’re the one that has made me this way... I must thank you for that. Because I will soon be free from all that bounds me here!" Kurt jerked his hand towards his neck but suddenly stopped. His eyes rolled back into his head and fell over.

"Kurt! C’mon, wake up! What’s wrong! What have I done?" Kitty began crying.

"K-K-Kit... Kit..ty....not...fault...don...don’t...tell...others." Kurt stuttered out, before consciousness left him.

"Don’t tell the others? But why? Why?" Kitty looked at him, wondering why.

They almost got me. I managed to escape this time, but next time I won’t make it....

It was two days later. Nothing else had happen since then, at least with Kurt anyway. Nobody seemed to notice his absence. No one except Kitty. If the Professor did, he never said anything. He and Logan arrived the morning after the last event. Kitty wanted to tell him so bad, but Kurt had told her not to. He must have a reason. But what was it?

Night was coming again. Kitty glanced up the stairs, almost scared to do it. It was almost routine... go and check on Kurt. See if he... if he was still alive. Kitty walked up the stairs slowly, as if she had a heavy burden on her. And she did. At the top she walked towards Kurt’s room, pausing before it. Cautiously she walked through and looked at his bed.

She didn’t even get a chance to register that he wasn’t there before a hand covered her mouth. She saw and felt fur, and knew it was him. Not Kurt, the one with red eyes. She tried to phase but couldn’t, not without focusing. And she was too scared to focus. He teleported them to the first floor, and started heading to the front door. But something was blocking it. A figure. Kitty heard the sound that indicated that Logan had just unsheathed his claws.

"You’re not going anywhere." She heard him growl. I must’ve sent out a message to the Professor without thinking. Thank God for that.

"And are you going to stop me?"

"All of us are." Kitty saw Scott and the others, all gathered around. Not Kurt was distracted, and that was what Kitty needed. She phased through his hold and ran over to where Jean and Storm stood.

"And how can you do that? How can you stop me without stopping your friend?"

"What are you talking about?" Evan asked.

Kitty looked at them. They didn’t know it was Kurt. Well, it wasn’t really but still it was him in there somewhere. It the darkness all they could see was the red eyes. He was using Kurt’s ability to disappear into the darkness. But wouldn’t Logan sense it was Kurt? Unless... what? He didn’t believe his own senses? Hardly like Logan at all. Then what? Was whatever it was giving a different scent or something? Evil. Kitty feel the presence all around her. Was it blocking out Kurt’s scent? Then they don’t know its him. I have to tell them.

"Don’t attack him!" She yelled at the others. Kitty could feel them staring at her. "It’s Kurt. Sort of."

"What?" Someone said. Before she could answer, the Not Kurt thing laughed the laugh she had heard on the first night. Then the red eyes disappeared, leaving the smell of sulfur.

Storm turned on the lights and everyone gathered around her. They looked at her like she was nuts.

"What do ya mean it’s Kurt?" Rogue asked.

"It’s not him, and yet it is. Maybe I should start at the beginning." Kitty explained the entire story to them up to that moment.

"So he’s like possessed or something?" Alex wondered aloud.

"No." The Professor came towards them in his wheelchair. "He being controlled by something."

"Like I was?" Asked Logan.

"Similar. He’s being controlled by something in his mind, except it’s not a microchip or anything of that sort. It’s his own demons. His fears, his hates, his every emotion that is negative. He’s fighting himself."

"How do you know this?" Jean inquired.

"Not too long ago Kurt asked if I could go into his mind. When I asked him why, he was vague. I knew something was wrong so I agreed. I saw this. It was nightmare of the worst kind. The kind where you wake and you knew it wasn’t a dream. It had happened to him off and on, the last time being long before he came here. It seemed that he had overcome it, so I made no comment on it. I should have."

"So he’s fighting himself in his head? Huh. But why did it come back after being dormant for so long?" Scott asked the Professor shook his, signaling that was a question he could answer.

But Kitty knew the answer. It was because of her.

They’re almost upon me now. I dodge their attacks but I’m getting so tired. I just want to give up. My body aches. My mind hurts. I’m slowing down... I’m not dying. I’m already dead....

We split up into teams of two. Scott and Jean, Alex and Evan, Rogue and I, and Storm and Logan. The Professor hadn’t told us what to do if we found him. Gathering up what little courage I had I ran in that direction. The laughter didn’t stop. Finally I reached I cliff. I saw him at the edge, laughing. Rogue was on the ground, unconscious. I saw a small pool of blood forming at the back of her head. "What have you done?"

"That’s what happens when you try to stop me." He laughed even more. I didn’t even realize what I was doing when I charged him. He dodged me, and I somehow managed to stay on the cliff. I lost all of the courage I had and began crying.

I was at the cliff. They had chased me here. They still lurked in the shadows. I saw me hitting Rogue in the back of the head with a large rock. I tried to run forward but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get any closer. I was so tired. I saw Kitty arrive and rush towards me. I dodged and she barely kept herself on the cliff. I saw her fall to her knees and begin crying. I wanted to go to her so bad. I could her their laughter echoing in my head. It was driving me insane. I yelled and yelled at them but it did no good. I saw myself jump towards Kitty, making her fall backwards off the cliff.....

I don’t remember falling. I just remember Kurt, the real Kurt, jumping off the cliff. I couldn’t believe he had done that. Then I saw wings come from his back. I remember him catching me. After that, it’s all a blank.

The others have told me that Kurt sent out a message to the Professor, telling them where we were. He in turn told everyone else. Rogue and I was taken back to the mansion and treated. I had a few bruises, but Rogue had been hit hard. She was in a coma for a few days before coming out. She said that she was so tired but then got a sudden burst of energy. We think Kurt let her touch him, since he believed it was all of his fault.

After Rogue woke up and had healed some, we all sat down and Kurt told us all about it. He even let his wings come out. He said that he had always had them, but they came when they felt like it. It was only recently that he was able to control them. Kurt told us his fears. He said it felt like a burden had been lift. He also mentioned something about no longer being bound.

Kurt and I are close now, and who knows, maybe someday it will go farther.

They are gone. I no longer run. I have fallen down into the abyss and I have flown higher than ever before. I have been to the edge and back. I have lived through the nightmare of the Edge of Forever.....